So we should probably explain the concept of The Quotebook. When it was started in 2nd year, the funny things we said were actually quotes. From tv, movies, comedians, what have you, and so we decided to write them down, lest we forget. Then slowly we began to get funnier ourselves, and started writing that down too. And thus it evolved into the record of hilarity we keep today. But first we have to wade through a lot of what is, in hindsight, dull, dull material…
So yes, this is second year stuff, not very funny or indeed funny at all at some points... oh well=P
“Dammit Carl!” – Claire and Emma
“I’d like to order a pepperoni pizza please”
“Brian!”
“And some chips!”
“BRIAN!”
- The Presentators; Claire, Emma & Stef
“Wait… is that a FIRE?! Die bitch!” – Stef & Sif
“So you’re the bitch, that called me a bitch, so listen, bitch, it takes a bitch, to know a bitch, to call a bitch a bitch, BITCH!” – Sif
“People change, things go wrong, shit happens, life goes on!” – Sif
“You’re not only wrong, you’re wrong at the top of your voice! WRONG!!” – Emma
“Love is life… Missed love? Ya missed life!” - Sif [yes ya.. this is what I meant]
“It’s spitting! It’s spitting!! Everybody inside!! Janice, Barbara! Get the kids! It’s spitting!! Save yourselves!!” – Peter Kay; Lisa, Claire & Emma
“Life’s a bitch and then you die” – Emma
“We were talking about rugby and that made me think of nuns!” – Jen and Caitrin
“Calm down Bill, you’ll give yourself a heart attack and ruin my vacation” – Meet Joe Black; Jen and Caitrin
“Let’s have a party! With hookers and drink and drugs… all the things that make life worth living!” – Emma
“Do you prefer fashion victim or ensembly challenged?” – Clueless; Emma
“Do you know that movie?”
“Oh is that the one where they do it in the car, boat and the house and he’s like ‘I love you baby’ and she’s like ‘Where are we?!’ ” – Scary Movie 3; Stephanie
“That’s some good shit!” – Scary Movie 1; Stef
“I don’t mean to break up the meeting but she’s something of a bitch isn’t she?” – Emma
“It’s not me, it’s you” – Stef
“Oh here’s Sheldon and I on our trip to Irrrrreland!” – Emma & Lisa
“You don’t care anymore?”
“I NEVER cared!” – Stef & Emma
“Thank you my babies” – Friends; Stef & Emma
“So they set Sif up with a murderer,
Someone who was going down for life,
He turned and he said:
‘Hello Blondie, how you feel about bein’ my new wife?!’ ” – Emma about Sif
“But ‘tis no way to go!” – Jen and Caitrin
“In the nude, maybe a few twigs, go into the office: ‘Some things are gonna change around here! Meet The Badger! Look him in the eyes!” – Tommy Tiernan; Jenny
“The first Christ was commercial! Sure wasn’t the baby Jesus just born and the wise men rushed into the stable ‘I got you this! I’m sorry I didn’t have time to wrap it, and I know it’s Christmas aaaaand your birthday, but I hope you like it!’ ” – Tommy Tiernan; Jenny
“Well we all know whatever they’re discussing, it’s important and it can’t be good”
*in the office*
Kerry: “We’re painting the waiting room lime green”
Carter: “Why?”
Kerry: “Because it’s my favourite colour”
- ER; Emma
“Badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger mushroom mushroom! Badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger mushroom mushroom! Snaaaaake a snaaaaake! Ooohhh a snake a snake!!” – Badger Badger; Lisa
“Damn you Salazar!!” – Charlie’s Angels; Lisa & Emma
“Lads have 3 noises for guns. The first one they’ve got is draaa-draaa draaaaaaa; the next is duff-duff d-d-d-d-duff-duff; and then there’s the shittest one which were mine: aa-a-a-a-aa-a-a-aaa! Stop laughing it’s serious! I’m killing people! Stop laughing! A-a-aa-a-aa!” – Peter Kay; Lisa, Emma & Claire
“I’m sure you won’t mind me saying that sometimes I feel like a writer without a pen, a sheriff without a gun, a shepherd without a sheepdog and everywhere I go: sheep, sheep, sheep” – Emma
“I’m sorry if I sound selfish darling, but it’s me, me, me!!” – Absolutely Fabulous; Lisa & Emma
“Damn you! You little prying Pandorra! You little demon! Is this what you wanted to see? Curse you! You little lying Delilah! You little viper! Now you cannot ever be free! Damn you! Curse you!” – Phantom of the Opera; Emma & Lisa
“Damn him! Damn him to hell!” – Stephanie
“Five out of four people have problems with fractions” – Grace
“What happened to you China? You used to be cool!
China still cool! You pay later! Later!” – The Simpsons; Stephanie
“OR!...not…” – Sif
“Malteasers! Fun to play with?” – Sif & Stephanie
“Only ones who understand the weasels!!” – Sif & Claire
“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, life is short so party we must!” – Sif
“Friends are forever, guys are whatever, when worst comes to worst, me girlies come first!!” – Sif
“Slutty snack person!” – Stef
“Sexy chauffer!” – Lidia
“Smarmy host!” – Joe Schmoe Show; Sif
“Dude” – Sif & Stephanie
“Ho ho ho” – Sif, Stef & Lidia
“Smelly-smelly” – Sif & Stef
“Connie Connie Connie Connie Connie Connie Cameleon, she’s dead and gone..” – Peter Kay; Emma, Claire & Lisa
“My mum’s got curly hair and brushes her teeth” – Peter Kay; Emma, Claire & Lisa
“You know what she needs? 14 stone in a day!” - Peter Kay; Emma, Claire & Lisa
Ryan: “She made yama-Claus”
Seth: “Yamma-what? … Holy Moses they’re beautiful”
- The OC
“You, me, handcuffs, whipped cream, any questions?” – Niall
“What’s a nice girl like you doing in my dirty mind?” – Niall
“Life’s a bitch and then you die, so fuck the world and let’s get high” – Fergal
“Don’t drink and drive, you might spill your beer” – Fergal
“Don’t drink and drive, call Mr. B on 959595” - Peter Kay; Emma, Claire & Lisa
“Chicken Ben… he is my friend” – Claire
“You’re dumber than you think, I think you are” – Emma
“Don’t I ache and yearn… and shop? Don’t I deserve love… and jewellery?” – Emma
“At a certain point, you get sick of tryin’, most guys your age are either dead or dyin’, but not Clint Eastwood, he
just keeps rollin’ on!” Oscars; Claire & Emma
“It’s Jeff!!! The Ambulance Man!!!” – Lisa & Emma
“Hey Joan! Take the C off chips, what have you got? Can’t do it for you love” - Peter Kay; Emma, Claire & Lisa
“Sticky shoes!” – Friends; Emma & Lisa
Bridget: “Umm.. so what’s your favourite colour?”
Colin Firth: “You already asked that… blue…”
- Bridget Jones Diary, The Edge Of Reason; Emma & Lisa
“Thou knotty-patted fool!” – Stef
“Bolting hutch of beastliness!” – Stef
“We’re developing a new dance… It make sex look like a church! … You can’t protect her forever! You stupid lady!” – The Simpsons; Lisa
“Who’s wearing the cat’s pyjamas now?” – The Simpsons Road Rage
“Eat my dust, dust-eaters!” – The Simpsons Hit ‘n’ Run
“He’ll be here! And then I’ll laugh! I’ll laugh at you all!!” – Emma & Stef
“Bend and snap!” – Legally Blonde
“You never know what life’s going to do next. Well at least it came as a focking surprise to me!” – Ross O’Carroll-Kelly
“Sif, now would be a good time for an emergency dinner party!” – Lisa
“Nuns! Nuns! Reverse! Reverse!” – Father Ted
“I am here to talk to you in a calm, soothing voice… DESTROY. DESTROY.” – Lidia
“Hostile baby!” – Jenny, Lisa & Lisa’s mother
“If I die, I shall die well-dressed” – The Patriot
“Ahh! Pascal!” – Claire, Lisa & Jenny
“Never type thumbs into google…” – Lisa
“Here is where the sky is blue! *stabs chest with fork* Here is where the birds sing! *stabs again*” – Room With A View
“We have a view… HAHA!!” – If Lisa was in Room With A View
Donkey: “The sun come out… tomorrow… bet your bottom…”
Shrek: “Bet my bottom?”
Donkey: “I’m coming Elizabeth!” *passes out*
Puss: “Hey boss! Let’s shave him!”
- Shrek 2
Rev. Lovejoy: “Nice dress”
Priest: “Oh go have sex with your wife!”
Rev. Lovejoy: “Bring it on!”
- The Simpsons; Stephanie
“No! No! Don’t! You’ll stretch ‘em! You’re a 5!!” – Sif to Stephanie
“A wedding! I love weddings! Drinks all around!” – Pirates of the Carribean; Stef
“Can I have 2 in Row P?”
“Where do you want me to swipe this?”
- Peter Kay; Claire, Emma &Lisa
“Mmmmaaaa!!” – Sheepy, Lidia & Lisa
“I’m just dishonest! Honestly! It’s the honest ones you have to watch, because you never know when they’re going to do something incredibly stupid!” – Pirates of the Carribean; Stephanie
Entertaining Lunchtime (11/3/’05):
Emma: “You know who Mr. Murray reminds me of?”
Lisa: “Who?”
Stef: “Emma!”
Emma: “He..
Caitrin: “Emma!”
Emma: “… reminds me of…”
Lisa: “Emma! He’s right there!”
Mr. Murray: “Who?”
Emma: “Nothing!”
*all run away*
Later that lunchtime…
Jenny is having issues with her zip pocket.
Skirt has been swivelled around so pocket is at the front.
Stephanie is on her knees, trying to get the zip down, making various trying noises.
Mrs Healy walks passed, looking very bemused.
All run away laughing again.
“Hairy Hoomess!” – Sif & Lidia
“Reality is wrong… dreams are for real” – 2pac; Sif
“California, California, here we come!!” – Sif & Stef
“*zzzzzzzzz* Mosquito!” – Sif & Stef
Jenny: “Dead Dane!”
Sif: “But I’m INNOCENT!!”
“Have any of you seen my jaw?” – The Grudge; Claire, Stef & Emma
“Mitte bebe!” – Bridget Jones 2
“ ‘So sorry to catch you on your mobile’ Well if you don’t wanna catch me on my mobile, then don’t call me on my mobile!” – Friends
“I feel like a complete arse!”
“Yeah in America you’re just an ass”
- Friends
“Now honestly, who throws a cupcake?” – Dr. Evil, Austin Powers
“What is in the water today?” – Nurse Sam, ER; Emma & Caitrin
“You’re with Kovac”
“Kovac?”
“Yeah, big Croatian guy, you can’t miss him”
- ER; Emma & Caitrin
“Yeah he’s such an arse, he gave me a marshmallow” – Stephanie
*girl falls though the bed*
“…And then she passed into Narnia” – Emma watching The Grudge
“Well there are a lot of needy kids out there…”
“I see what you’re saying… I need to buy a gun!”
- The Simpsons
“Nice, firm buttocks!” – Notting Hill
“Forget about firelighters Connie, you won’t need them where you’re going” – Peter Kay; Lisa, Emma & Claire
“Brennan’s bread. Today’s bread, today.” – Brennan’s ad; Emma & Claire
“NINE??? NINE????? BELOW WAIST ACT..ivity?” – Claire about Sif
“I misunderstood!! I MISUNDERSTOOD!!!!” – Sif
“Don’t think of it as naked, it’s not naked, it’s nude” – Calender Girls
“Like plums, ripe juicy plums… No, like balloons, like a pair of balloons you find behind the settee 3 days after a party…”
“Gaz, would you stop talking about tits!”
“Why would I want to do that??”
- Calender Girls
Sif: “We were looking for a minstrel…”
Lisa: “Did the minstrel get lost down your throat?”
- Oh burn
“Lisa, you find out about Sif. And you find out if she’s done number 10, and you tell me, and I’ll tell her parents!” – Claire
“Don’t fall off a wall, he’ll laugh!” – Claire about Niall
“With some floozy!”
“That’s what you call a girl”
*laughter*
- Claire, Stef & Lisa
“Guess who’s dead” – Peter Kay
“The air is full of spices” – Alan Rickman, Sense & Sensibility
“Two socks. Run two socks. I thought to myself, what would a wolf do?” – Emma
“Frickin’ weirdo!” – Stef
“Hey Keith! Keith, you weirdo!” – That Peter Kay Thing; Claire & Lisa
“I love rice, rice is great when you’re hungry and you want 2000 of something” – Ed Byrne’s Just For Laughs
“I hate you!”
“We hate you too!” – Ed’s Byrne’s Just For Laughs
“Five through fifteen, think about it!” – Jen & Lisa
“Me *points at you* and you *points at self*, you *points at self* and me *points at you*” – Sif (i.e. ketchup, the red stuff), Claire (i.e. mustard, the peppery stuff), Jaimie, Stef (i.e. mayo, cos see is)
[I have no idea]
“Ohh, what have I done to deserve this? …Oh yeah! You got me there, Big Guy!” – Karen, Will & Grace
“Look at that woman out by the pool, with her skin getting all brown and leathery… I’m so jealous!!” – Rachel, Friends
“I’m gonna die alone, and I’ll have to get a snake, and then I’ll get more snakes, call them my babies, and children will walk by and they will run! Run away from Crazy Snake Man!” – Chandler, Friends
“Okay hard drinkers, drink hard, I’m buyin’!” – Emma
“A five? What the hell is this doing in here?!” – Karen, Will & Grace
“Beer before wine makes you feel fine, wine before beer make you feel queer” – Will & Grace
“The pole up that guy’s ass has a pole up its ass” – The Simpsons
“Oh! Pascal… avec Pauline… dans le leaba… dans le bloc sanitaire... avec ‘andcoofs, whipped crème, moi et toi… any questions?” – Lisa & Claire (inspired by Niall)
“Shut up! You’re not my real Mom!” – Stef & Emma
“Spock: The Final Frontier” – Emma & Stef
Paddy: “I ‘ad ‘er”
Max: “Who?”
Paddy: “ ‘er, Friday night, pool table…”
- Phoenix Nights or Max & Paddy’s Road To Nowhere, I can’t remember
“Behind that innocent exterior lies the filthiest of minds” – Stephanie
“Super natural eyelashes!” – Stephanie
“Screw you guys, I’m going home!” – Cartman, South Park; Claire
“Hi I’m Ross, and I have like super natural eyelashes” – Stef
Jaimie: “You peed your pants!”
Sif: “I’m not wearing any pants”
*shocked faces all round*
Jaimie: “Eeeeeewwww…”
“A man says to a girl why are you wearing a bra if nothing goes in it? She says why do you wear boxers?” - Jaimie
“1, 2, 3 thumps in the air! 1, 2...” - Stephanie, Claire, Lidia
“You know it's summer in Ireland when it starts raining” - Evie
“I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it” - Evie
“Jesus and Moses, they both had beards” - Seth, The OC; Evie &Lidia
“You can dance, you can dance, everybody look at your pants!” - Homer, The Simpsons
“I'm confuzzlied” - Stef
Mr. Heckles: “Can you please be quiet, you're disturbing my cats/birds” [there appears to be some confusion regarding the correct word]
Rachel: “You don't have any cats/birds”
Mr. Heckles: “I could have cats/birds”
-Friends
[comment that Claire wrote pointing to the correction from cats to birds]
“Whoever changed this quote, you are NOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT. If the occasion occurs where a quote is wrong just rewrite it on another page. AND DON'T MAKE SPELLING CHANGES either. It's not fair to the people who wrote it wrong. IT'S MEAN AND MAKES YOU LOOK SNOOTY. OH ARE YOU SO FAR ABOVE US ALL THAT YOU FEEL THE NEED TO MAKE SNIDE REMARKS AT OUR MISTAKES??? GOD!!”
[Clearly letting out some emotions there. Oh and I have changed the spelling in this if it's wrong, and corrected the quotes, cos that's what was meant.]
“It's a stick! A stick! A stick! A stick! A stick!”
“Oh...”
“Look Brian, it's 2 baby stick insects!”
-The Presentators; Stephanie & Lidia
“Fluffy llama, fuzzy llama, tall llama, small llama, happy llama, angry llama, llama, llama, llama, llama, llama, llama, duck” - Llama Song; Evie
“Sassy!” - Sif & Andreas
“Såste!” - Sassy in Lisa style Danish
Claire: “It's over! It's over between me *points at Sif* and you *points at herself*”
Sif: “Oh yeah? Oh yeah? OH YEAH?”
Claire: “YEAH!”
Sif: “Well fine! You *points at herself* and me *points at Claire* are OVER!!!
Claire: “Really”
Sif: “Nahh! I glove you!”
Claire: “I glove you too Weasel!”
“The only ones who understand the weasels!” - Claire & Sif
“There's no wine! We swear!” - Sif, Emma, Stef & Claire at Emma's when Niall said they were drinking.
“No man's an Ireland” - Sif's interpretation of About A Boy
Stef: “Are you going to be on msn tonight?”
Sif: “What do you think?
“I can be your hero baby, I can kiss away the pain!” - Enrique Iglesias; Sif, Jen & Heather
“You need to load your battery!” - Metallica
“Det sjovest ved at snakke dansk er at i har INGEN ide om hvad det er jeg siger” - Sif being Danish
“Mhamhamhamha! Evil Laugh!” - Stephanie
“J-Lo and Britney are back! (on crack) – Sif & Jen
“That's so fetch” - Mean Girls; Aisling
“No one dies a virgin, life screws us all” - Aisling
“Fer sure, fer sure! Like gag me with a spoon!” - Evie
“Oh my Gah! You're like so ridik!” - Evie
Flanders: “I'm going on a date with a movie star?”
Irish police man: “Sure you are laddy, and I'm going apple picking with Scooby Doo. Toi toi toi toi...”
“Smookey!” - Sif & Stephanie
“Potato!” - Sif's Irish but actually Indian accent
Sif: “Let's rent a movie!”
Zoe: “Cool! Which one?”
Stef: “Scary Movie 3?”
Sif: “No...”
Stef: “Scary Movie 2?”
Sif: “No!”
Stef: “How about Scary Movie 1 then?”
Sif & Zoe: “NO!!!”
“Call me a slut, then turn and run, it won't hurt my feelings, cos sluts have more fun!” - Sif & Sabrina
“Kisses spread germs, and germs are hated, so kiss me baby, I'm vaccinated!” - Sif
“Officer... I swear to drunk, I'm not God!” - Sif
“Save an animal... Eat a vegetarian!” - Sif
“She's in denial over Niall” - Jen & Sif
“Peter the Pervy Petal” - Jaimie & Sif
“Sammy the Sexy Stem” - Jaimie & Sif
“Claire the Clever Carpel” - Jaimie & Sif
“A baby elephant's a frog” - Jaimie (not Sif)
“OMG! It's the ghostly sombreros! Let's hop into them!” - Jaimie
“The difference between a good friend and a best friend is that if you go to jail a good friend would come to bail you out, but a best friend would be there next to you saying let's do that again!” - Sif
“WOOOPA!!!” - Friends
“Stop calling me sexy!” - Jaimie
“Yugioh!” - Aoife, Sif, Lidia & Jaimie
Sif: “Say the funny noise!”
Aoife: “Yugioh!”
Sif: “Hahaha! Again!”
Sif: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Jaimie: “A Yugioh Master!”
Sif: “Yugioh!”
Fergal: “Well can't we be friends who hug and kiss and stuff?”
Sif: “Friends don't hug and kiss and stuff!”
“I'm going to be a mugician! Watch me turn this semibreve into two minums! Poof! Pick a card!” - Claire in Barcelona
“Will we get into trouble for accommodating hoppers?” - Lisa in Barcelona
“MY BADGES!” - Claire
“It has a nickame, I can't remember what it is in English but they're going to put a fountain on the top that shoots water 20 feet into the air...” - Tour Man Willam being hilarious about some phallic shaped tower in Barcelona
Stef: “Oh what's his face is on”
Sif: “What's his face? His name is Cathal, Stephanie!”
Stef: “You know I'm bad with names!”
“Salt and pepper!” - Zoe, Sif & Stef
“Guys... do you think they'll find it weird that we're lying in bed wearing sombreros?” - Emma in Barcelona
“Look at this face! Where was this face when I needed a real charades party??” - Emma to Claire
“Come on Rosita, us chicas gotta stick together!” - Emma
“That would go in the 'Fear' Spectrum” - Donnie Darko; Lisa, Emma & Claire
Neela: “Oh and the window got stuck, so there's a pile of snow in the kitchen, so you might want to open the door and turn up the heat”
Ray: “So the snow will melt?”
Neela: “It's just a suggestion”
Abby: “She used to be MY roomate”
- Emma
“That’s it, that’s my rhythm… take it to the street, bee-otch!!” – Claire & Emma
“That’s a panda?? I’m learning!!” – Stan
“Guys you know they can’t come in until we actually let them in…” – Emma in Barcelona
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! BASTAAAARRRDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” – Emma on a rollercoaster
“Wow, this shower’s powerful!” – Claire in Barcelona
“Do it!” – Starsky & Hutch
“Oooh! I found my natural parting!” – Stephanie
“LOOK WHAT THEY DID TO ME!!!” – Sif convinced we had written on her forehead
“Smush!” – Lisa
“They’re on my face! They’re on my face!” – Stef
“My manwich!” – Stef
“Don’t listen to him, he’s drunk on cheese!” – Scrubs; Emma
“Let’s do it!”
“Do what?”
“Have sex?”
- Everyone and guess who and some person in the back row of the cinema [that’s what it says, I actually have no idea]
“Watch them laugh… watch them drool… watch them fall into the pool… that’s diving… at the Special Olympics” – Steven Lynch; Stephanie
“He’s really Duff Man! That means I must be Jesus!” – Stephanie
“Let’s convert to Islam and repent later!” – Kingdom of Heaven; Stephanie
“So… can you hear the ‘voices’now?”
“No! Not all the time, I’m not a freak!”
- Stephanie & Fergal
“Let’s put that in the quotebook!” – Everyone
“I might not know karate, but I know CRAZY!” – James Brown
“Woo! Pick it up! Put it down! …Ah screw it…” – Just For Laughs
“wah wah wah-wah, wahwah wah wah-wah” – Donnie Darko; Lisa
“I... PUT THE SCREW... IN THE TUNA!!!” - Kenan & Kel
“Grandma's chicken salad!” - Friends; Chester
“Calm down guys, it's just an exam! I'm cool, I can totally do this... *gets exam* WHAT???” - Sif
“I've got you babe!” - Niall & Aoife, mainly sung by Sif
“Måske!” - Lisa, Jenny & Sif
“Es gra ugum ditch” - Sif trying to speak Irish
“Jeg eslker deg!” - Lisa
“I'm not a retard! *jerk jerk*” - Jaimie
“Bikers... big ones... full of sperm!” - 10 Things I Hate About You; Sif & Lidia
“I'm not sticky anymore” - Sif
Sif: “January, February, March, May, April, June...”
Aoife: “It's January, February, March, APRIL, MAY, June!”
Sif: “You're wrong!”
“I'm Vishnu The Tickler!” *Sif shrieks* - Lisa
Grace: “Bring it on!”
Sif: “Oh it's on!”
Grace: “Biotch!”
Sif: “Oh it's on!”
Grace: “I'm gonna kick your ass!”
Sif: “Oh it's on!”
Grace: “Is that all you can say?”
Sif: “Oh it's on!”
Jaimie: “She says 'oh yeah' sometimes too”
Sif “Oh yeah??”
-Grace's party
“WHAT???!!!” - Sif & Claire
